I'm becoming more and more aware of how completely private my public blog actually is. In fact, it's just kind of become my "I am obsessed with myself" space, where I get to be obsessed with myself and pretend that other people will read it. Bwahahahaa. It's like my very own fan club to me...population me.
Anyway, so I've got on this new jewelry kick. I just bought two new New Age jewelry pieces, just because I never really had the guts to see if I could pull them off. It's kind of like how I never thought i could pull of Chuck Taylor's until I dug some perfectly nice ones out of the trash can when the previous owner/roomate wasn't looking. Man, I love those things. I'm really excited about all the new things I've bought myself in order to celebrate the new, more grown up me. Give it a few months and I'll grow up even more and I'll have to find more unnecessary items to redefine myself with...which brings me to my thought of the week....
Am I becoming an addictive consumer? I think it may be my reaction to a certain kind of depression...buying stuff. I tell ya, the second I come home after a really hardy emotional slugfest ( usually involving me vs. myself...sometimes it just doesn't seem like a fair fight. lol), I desire to use stuff up....food, bed, money, entertainment, music. It's amazing to me, since I'm pretty cavaleir about "creating, not consuming" and "creation is a sign of Goddessliness", that I should fall into these stages. Usually when I can sense that I'm getting pretty self-destructive ( I use that term very very losely...as in this morning I had icecream for breakfast...that was VERY VERY self-destructive. Like, oh my GOSH, someone put me AWAY before I strike again. ) I just collapse in bed. "Ms. bed, you're my only friend." That usually works...except for it's still not productive. I seek PRODUCTIVITY. I want to get as much of ME out in the world as possible. Maybe that's why I'm becoming a teacher. Now it's easy for me to say "Well, just cut that out and get out and DO something, but sometimes in a heinous depression, you're happy to be producing CO2, let alone a spreadsheet. The problem is that I need to not be such an overactive consumer. I mean, I'm trying to be a fabulous recessionista for crying out loud! I should be so frugal that I gleam.
Also, I've not been taking such hot care of my face and body recently. ( by not take care of I mean I fell asleep in my makeup. I did, however, make it a goal to get more sleep this year, and so far I'm the champion...it's just things like hygeine and appearance are suffering.) Operation "Save Megan's Face" is so on. In fact, I've got a mask on right now.
I just wrote a kick trash, took me for freakin' ever to complete ( 5 hours) lesson plan on the Futurism Movement. I also teach interpretive dance ( laugh if you will, but I love it like whao. I tell you, I've changed. I'm suddenly getting really hippy, and finding it to be very legit.) It makes me so much more aware of my body, and since I've unexpectedly lost many of my inhibitions, I really enjoy it for the movement and creativity that it is.
Also, I'm still going to get that Ruby ring. I've decided I'll get it when I finish my Research Paper...because without a motivator like that I may actually kill myself before I finish it. lol.
If you guys could see my room....All the walls are completely COVERED in art. No really. My entire side is edge by edge covered.
Right now I'm reading "Fatherless in Galilee", about the historical Jesus. Excellent read. I havn't read for fun in a long long...perilously long time. Welp, time to hit the snooze. I've got a busy day of interpretive dance and Futurism tomorrow.
This year, however, I honestly discovered that
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