Poetess of the Month

Sappho


Although they are

Although they are
only breath, words
which I command
are immortal






Blame Aphrodite

It's no use
Mother dear, I
can't finish my
weaving
You may
blame Aphrodite

soft as she is

she has almost
killed me with
love for that boy






I took my lyre

I took my lyre and said:
Come now, my heavenly
tortoise shell: become
a speaking instrument

Equations

The amount of Happiness and Success an individual man or woman possesses is directly proportional to the amount of control that individual has over their own life.

The amount of respect I get from adult males for vocational or educational success is inversely proportional to my perceived attractiveness.

Ignorance multiplied by the number of correct inferences made by an individual equals a constant.

and...from SmileBoy....time=money
school (Smile Boy put "girls")= time * money
school= money ^2
money= (evil)^(1/2)
school= ((evil)^(1/2))^2
school= evil

I KNEW IT!


Hey...I just bought groceries, Christmas decor and an MP3 player. I'm the woman right now! Whoot. I also bought two movies, returned all my library books and prints, got my art files bound...now I've just got to revise my DEATH PAPER again ( literal sob), write a lesson plan ( loading nerf gun) for dance, and write a play based on BLUEBERRIES FOR SAL ( shoot myself in the head with loaded nerf gun). Living day at a time.

Tapping into my Motivation

I love school. I love papers. I love assignments. I love my expensive education. I love The Club. I love cleaning. I love working. I love Organization. I love not-self-destructing. I love exercise. I love spending money on my major. I LOVE IT. (repeat as needed).

Alphabetically Organized Musings

a. I FOUND IT.. THE LOOK I've been trying to go for since I got out of sparkles and embroidered butterflies in the eighth grade. Behold! Jessica Biel in the Illusionist! She has the look I always wanted and strive for! It's glorious! The hair! Her dresses! It was like visual CANDY!
b. Today my teacher praised me on "embracing my inner child". She told me this when i told her that I forgotten my lesson plan. I don't know about you, but my inner child was ON TOP OF IT with homework. It's more likely I'm embracing my inner college student....which is also my outer college student. I think that THAT LADY'S inner back-handed compliment giver and my inner child need to DUKE IT OUT! This is especially offensive since I've spent the last few decades trying to comfine my inner child to a cardboard box in the basement. Is that like inner-child abuse? I guess I'm now coming to grips with my inner child. She's pretty cool, confident, fabulous and adorable...see above.
c. I just turned in the worst paper I have ever written ever. I am going to die and my grades will never forgive me.
d. Confession TIME! Sometimes I over-eat and don't shower with the actual honest-to-goodness intent of being unattractive. I actually feel more motivated and in control if I'm not running away from males. It's like I'm actually my own person and can do whatever I want!
d.5- I am having a hard time coming to grips with the idea of a long-term relationship of any kind. I mean, do I really want to MARRY all those idiosyncrasies?
e. I am taking a hyatus. I'm calling it "Shell regrowth time". I'm really liking it. It's like a vaction/off-season training regimen for my sanity. "It's ok sanity, Megan ( and her flakey inner child) will take care of you."
f. I hate the word flakey. It always reminds me of like a flakey scalp. I also hate the word chuncky. I don't think of fat people as "chunky". I think of Campbell's chunkey soup, or chocolate chunk icecream as chunky. "Chunky" people do not have big chunks in them. That'd be weird looking and not nearly as pillowy.
g.There are many films I want to see. I post everything I want, that can be publically known, on facebook. This is actually just a useful tool I use for my own reference, so that there is an easy way to get back to the cool things I find.
h. Dear World: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Love Megan
i. So I went to the U of U/ BYU game this week. I sat on the Ute side and wore red. It was actually a blast and one of the funnest things I've done in a while. I was even on the winning side and rushed the feild. No joke. Loved it. It was kind of a schizophrenic experience , though. " YESSSSS! WE WON!...no...wait a minute....where...am...I?" Being an undercover BYU student at a Ute game is always fun. One second they're giving everyone the finger and screaming, but accidentally bump into them and they turn into the nicest ladies and gentlemen you've ever met. After the game ( 300-something dollar ticket game...which I didn't pay), I ate at (what I believe is called) The Texas Roadhouse. Pulled Pork and Ribs Baby. Pulled Pork and Ribs.
j. My sister has a book club now. If only I was literate enough to do things like read. I might order one of the books she's got and try to talk to her about it, as a form of social insurance.
k. I need to get some basic things like ironing and hygein out of the way. It's been too long.

I can't spell.

I can't spell. I don't value grammar. My blog looks like it was written by an intoxicated preschooler. You're welcome.

Cherishing the little islands of sanity.

So, I showed BasketballGlasses "seriously so blessed" and he loved it. I read it myself for some sad sick laughs, and then BasketballGlasses and I talked about how sick it was that our culture has bred the kind of seriously so blessed monsters we all mock and fear.

"I think that it's probably much worse for girls."

" Well Megan, at least they aren't the ones hitting on you."

And you know what, BasketballGlasses has a point. I really respect BasketballGlasses. He's a cool dude. It must be hard to have to sort through the tubs of marshmallow fluff in order to find an honest-to-goodness unindoctrinated individual. You poor guys. I just have to live with them, but you have to marry them. So sorry dudes. I'd fix the insanity if I could.

There was also a slight twang of guilt upon discovering that I, perhaps, speak and write more like "Seriously So Blessed" than I'd like to admit. However, my thoughts are so mine. "Seriously So Blessed" would promptly throw sharp ( yet adorably serrated) scrapbooking scissors at me if she could read my mind. (Note: I am aware that the "name" of the "writer" of that blog is not the blog's name itself. I just don't remember the individual's "name" right now.)

So, yesterday I went to a 2:30 AM showing of "Twilight". Now, let me just say that I am not a huge fan of the books. I have only read one ( as social insurance), and I'm not particularly invested in either Jacob Black or Edward Cullen....until now. Now, maybe it was the fact that I was DEAD exhausted, as well as emotionally drained and recently inhibition liberated, but MAN...that movie did things to me. I squeeled. I screamed. I "awwwed". I fell in love with Edward Cullin ( who I didn't think was all that attractive in the previews...but have since repented). I was very excited, my breathing heavy, my body on fire for a good three hours. Which brings me to a very serious, and seldom discussed topic.

My sexuality.
I've got one. It's pretty cool.

I'm going to admit that I was really turned on by that film. I was giddly and uncomfotably comfortable. I really wanted to be with someone right then.
"Twilight" was a parade of beautiful men on a scree, who were talented, flawless, emotionally available and powerful yet trustworthy and protective. These traits are the very traits, I believe, that all people (male or female, of any sexual orientation) want in their partners. These are the traits a geisha was prized for- the complete human attractive.
"Protective?", I hear some ask, confused that I would refer to geisha in such a way. Yes. There is a female style of protective, the kind that you ran to your Mom for, and she would hold you on her lap, run her fingers through your hair and tell you that everything is going to be alright, before shoving the bad neighbor kids out the door, and giving you a warm muffin and milk.
Imagine how comfortable it would be for a japanese ceo, just back from a terrible business meeting, and in need of some female "protective" power from the mean world outside.
"It's ok Mr. Kawasaki. Yamamoto Whiskey's stocks will rise in the holiday season, and you can just stay here with me until your business partners take the train back to Kobe in the morning."

Now, I'm gonna bust out some Joseph Campbell on you.

Essentially we all want our entire spread of relationships in life. We all want a Mother,a Father, a Sister, a Brother, a Daughter and a Son and Spouse ( Lover)- type relationships in life. These are archetypes. Our relationships with Diety are often very fulfilling because Diety allow us to use them in all of these contexts. Jesus Christ is Our Father, Our Brother, and he is the "Groom" ( noting all sorts of biblical references and the Oh, so popular song by Cherie Call "He gives flowers to everyone), and Our Son ( ya, we LOVE to sing about "the poor baby Jesus asleep on the hay". There's the Forgotten Carol's Christmas Song about a childless woman's experience with Christ called "Mary Let me hold her baby." The baby Jesus is kind of a cultural subconscious obsession, but he let's us think of him that way at times...mostly cause I think he's a nice guy, and lets us use him to fill our needs without zapping us. Dieties rock at that.)

Now the real trick is that we should all be like Christ in being able to fill all these roles people need in their lives. That's why Edward Cullin and the other vampires, besides being straight up biologically good looking ( the lover relationship being mostly about physical attraction and gratification), are also vulnerable ( sons and daughters), personable and relatable ( brothers and sisters), and all powerful and protective ( Mothers and Fathers). They're freaking perfect. Filling all those roles gives the person you fill those roles for a definite desire to worship you.

Which brings me to two little musings.
Is there a place for emotional stimulation like the film "Twilight" in marriages? I couldn't help but think how great it would be for me and my husband if I had THAT kind of aphrodisiac hanging around the DVD collection.

I am often very VERY careful about my use of sexuality, mostly because I would feel very guilty about using someone for strictly physical purposes. There have been days, just like every other human being on the planet, when I have seriously thought of calling up InsertNameHere and putting my drama training to good work to get a little physical frustration out of the way. Frankly,however, I can only imagine how that person would feel and I would never do that to someone. I think that's awful, but then again, in a marriage, sexual activity is more of bonding activity than anything, and is probably used for the emotional and physical benefit of both couples, and not necessarily for overwhelming senses of commitment and passion. I would imagine it being completely legit for a married couple, after a long day of school, work and chores to decide to have sex to help each other calm down, get a high and feel better.
In that context, perhaps I shouldn't be so overly careful about who I share physical affection with. If I would never marry someone, but still appreciate and value them, and if we both would value-theoretically why not hug and kiss a little? ( Now before everyone FREAKS OUT...these are just my musings on the logic of the subject. I think that making out with strangers or people you are not in a relationship with to be very distasteful, and that opinion probably won't change. This is mostly just to open discussion.)

Also, tomorrow I am going to the Ute Game in Salt Lake ( 300 and something dollar ticket...MINE! Bwahahahahaha.) All I have to do if find a way to get down there. I'm going to try the bus/train approach but SincerityPersonified may or may not just drive me up there tomorrow morning. I'm really crossing my fingers for that option.

Fail.

I am not going to be able to finish this paper on time...and as I result I will fail at life and die.

At least I've got this bag of popcorn to keep me company.

The Straw...

So, for some reason that freaking ring has got me into an angry, frustrated sad place I'd been meaning to visit, but seemed to be avoiding.

I really really really wanted that ring. I had even saved up for it. It was to be my Christmas present TO ME! (I'm so hap-py!)....Now, I know I'm about to whine and be spoiled and childish and irrational...BUT IT'S MY BLOG....I can be as spoiled and childish as I like.


WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! I WANT MY FREAKIN RING! IT WAS PERFECT! MY FAVORITE! I WILL NEVER PUT OFF BUYING THINGS I REALLY REALLY WANT AGAIN!.....like a good husband, I may need some time before I start shopping around for a new ring...just because the pain of the old one is fresh. NO FAIR! I WANT IT! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

I actually started tearing up for a second when I found out it was discontinued. I hate my life right now.

Jerkety Jerk online distrubution! I HATE YOU! BLAAAAAHHHHHHH!


Mostly I think this is just a culmination of much anger and frustration I feel about certain issues...but it took the ring to set me off.....WHAT THE HECK! I WAS SOOOO CLOSE....GRRRRRAAAAR! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! AHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! BLAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Expletive!

I think this may also have a lot to do with the fact that my emotions have been wrung out and beaten everyday for the past three or four months. Finally it's coming out! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I'm at the not so fabulous point where I just want to curl up and never be seen again. Unfortunately I've got this job, and this school, and this surrounded by people and responsibility all the time. I've slowly been cracking...this may be the actual breakdown! I QUIT! IT'S TOO HARD! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHHAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

*Now, I know as well as you that I can't actually quit. I'm way to fabulous...but if I could just curl up in a closet and hide for a week in my own private retreat I would. I want to travel and go back to Europe never have homework again! Grrrrrrrrrr. I know as well as you that a ring is a silly thing to get mad over...but seriously. I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE MAD SOMETIMES! SOME THINGS ARE JUST WRONG! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

There. Now I need to go meditate and forget about the world.

The Purple Book

The Purple book has been lent out. I had it next to me at work, and EmmaSwan came up to talk to me. I'd addressed TheLargerIssue with her several times. She kept staring at the book while we were talking and I said..."Would you like to borrow this?" and she literally jumped into the air and hugged it. So it's out there. Coo'.

DANG IT!

So, after saving up two paychecks, I got ready to buy my RING...only to find that they DISCONTINUED IT! OH MY STARS...and other expletives!

I'm in mourning.

GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Created Rubies

Hoookay. So created rubies tick me off in a major way. They are always light, and cheeky....not the rich natural color I so admire. Yet, I can only afford created rubies. This is a major issue with me. Grrrar.

It's back.

My symbolic animal showed up again...twice. It's really weirdin' me out. It was e-mailed to me two days ago, and today it was on one of the HUGE slides in art class.

Right now I've just come home from a film screening ( Diantha's Crossing....it's a keeper) by the oh-so-fabulous actress/director Barta Heiner. Loooove it.

As soon as I've gotten home ( after having my necessary breakdown time in an undisclosed local) I've kicked off my shoes and decided to blog. Blogging allows me to write down a few of my more interesting dreams ( not the "I wanna be a rockstar when I grow up." ones. The " It's a good thing I was asleep for that" ones.) or analogous controversial thoughts in the form of metaphor.

Oh, I also forgot to mention that I went to a children's interpretive dance recital. Moving. I hearted it. The song "The Call" by Regina Spektor was used in one of the best dances. I have always had a thing ( since I started making up complicated stories in my head...so like 3-years-old) with the premortal existance. This song reminds me what I would have said to my friends before we were born.

I just figured out that Regina Spektor and Imogen Heap are different people. They sound so similar.....no wait...I still have no excuse.

Oh, thanks Miada and Idon'tneedone for seeing me at work today. StrongOpinion also cam to see me at home today. It was nice to remember I have delightful comradettes.

Right now I think I'm going to chill out. I bought food at the Cougareat today, so I should feel totally indulged. I will just read "Fatherless in Galilee" and paint my toenails something remarkable, while sitting alone on my bed. HEAVEN. I found it! Man, that saved me a lot of time. To think it was right here the whole time.

I love you!

BLAH blah Blah blah

I'm becoming more and more aware of how completely private my public blog actually is. In fact, it's just kind of become my "I am obsessed with myself" space, where I get to be obsessed with myself and pretend that other people will read it. Bwahahahaa. It's like my very own fan club to me...population me.
Anyway, so I've got on this new jewelry kick. I just bought two new New Age jewelry pieces, just because I never really had the guts to see if I could pull them off. It's kind of like how I never thought i could pull of Chuck Taylor's until I dug some perfectly nice ones out of the trash can when the previous owner/roomate wasn't looking. Man, I love those things. I'm really excited about all the new things I've bought myself in order to celebrate the new, more grown up me. Give it a few months and I'll grow up even more and I'll have to find more unnecessary items to redefine myself with...which brings me to my thought of the week....

Am I becoming an addictive consumer? I think it may be my reaction to a certain kind of depression...buying stuff. I tell ya, the second I come home after a really hardy emotional slugfest ( usually involving me vs. myself...sometimes it just doesn't seem like a fair fight. lol), I desire to use stuff up....food, bed, money, entertainment, music. It's amazing to me, since I'm pretty cavaleir about "creating, not consuming" and "creation is a sign of Goddessliness", that I should fall into these stages. Usually when I can sense that I'm getting pretty self-destructive ( I use that term very very losely...as in this morning I had icecream for breakfast...that was VERY VERY self-destructive. Like, oh my GOSH, someone put me AWAY before I strike again. ) I just collapse in bed. "Ms. bed, you're my only friend." That usually works...except for it's still not productive. I seek PRODUCTIVITY. I want to get as much of ME out in the world as possible. Maybe that's why I'm becoming a teacher. Now it's easy for me to say "Well, just cut that out and get out and DO something, but sometimes in a heinous depression, you're happy to be producing CO2, let alone a spreadsheet. The problem is that I need to not be such an overactive consumer. I mean, I'm trying to be a fabulous recessionista for crying out loud! I should be so frugal that I gleam.
Also, I've not been taking such hot care of my face and body recently. ( by not take care of I mean I fell asleep in my makeup. I did, however, make it a goal to get more sleep this year, and so far I'm the champion...it's just things like hygeine and appearance are suffering.) Operation "Save Megan's Face" is so on. In fact, I've got a mask on right now.

I just wrote a kick trash, took me for freakin' ever to complete ( 5 hours) lesson plan on the Futurism Movement. I also teach interpretive dance ( laugh if you will, but I love it like whao. I tell you, I've changed. I'm suddenly getting really hippy, and finding it to be very legit.) It makes me so much more aware of my body, and since I've unexpectedly lost many of my inhibitions, I really enjoy it for the movement and creativity that it is.

Also, I'm still going to get that Ruby ring. I've decided I'll get it when I finish my Research Paper...because without a motivator like that I may actually kill myself before I finish it. lol.

If you guys could see my room....All the walls are completely COVERED in art. No really. My entire side is edge by edge covered.

Right now I'm reading "Fatherless in Galilee", about the historical Jesus. Excellent read. I havn't read for fun in a long long...perilously long time. Welp, time to hit the snooze. I've got a busy day of interpretive dance and Futurism tomorrow.
This year, however, I honestly discovered that

Fun quote of the day...

“I am more afraid that this people have so much confidence in their leaders that they will not inquire for themselves of God whether they are led by Him. I am fearful they settle down in a state of blind self-security, trusting their eternal destiny in the hands of their leaders with a reckless confidence that in itself would thwart the purposes of God in their salvation, and weaken that influence they could give to their leaders, did they know for themselves, by the revelations of Jesus, that they are led in the right way. Let every man and woman know, by the whispering of the Spirit of God to themselves, whether their leaders are walking in the path the Lord dictates, or not. This has been my exhortation continually.” ( Brigham Young Journal of Discourses, vol. 9, p. 150.)

Weekly Update.

Just to keep things current I will now post a link to my posted items on facebook. This is because few things are more public and important to me than those things I post there. Until I can figure out a theme of things I want to talk about on this blog, I will continue to post all my narcissistic stuff here. Oh my gosh. I just spelled narcissistic correctly.

Also, there is a particular animal the Gods keep flashing at me whenever something big or life changing is about to happen. The animal will be on T.V. or on an image, or in a book or in an add, and then BAM something big ( and usually dealing with TheLargerIssue ) will occur, if only inside me. I've used to just think it was a funny coincidence, but man, this is NOT a common animal and I see it freakin' everywhere. I've decided that this undisclosed animal must be my personal sign- my animal alter ego, if you will. If I were one of the writers of the Gospels, this animal would be my symbol.
It showed up again today...randomly. What could it mean?

How to avoid cenosrs and still make your point.

Here is a cartoon made in the Soviet Union. The first five minutes are just about happy dinosaurs. The last five minutes...well, you watch.

What could it mean?

Today while walking out of the testing center a small bug flew into my eye. Some days are just like that.

I've been getting into a sort of meditation to deal with the stress and pain of the larger issue. I just kind of lay on the ground, or on my bed and focus on what is going on in that exact moment. It's hard, because my brain is always trying to think ahead or think back. I just have to keep picking up my thoughts and bringing them back to home base, like chasing a toddler.

Today I taught preschool music, and let me just say that I have seen the greatest collection of dads on the planet. Those dads sing and dance and play maracas with their kids and it's awesome. If I ever get married I'll have a husband like those dads.

Also, Oh my Freakin' "Dancing at Lughnasa". DaL is a play that BYU is putting on. It's all about personal spirituality vs. structured religiosity. It's in favor of personal spirituality, as am I. In it there is a priest, direct off his 20 year mission to Uganda, and how his new spirituality reflects how he treats others. It also has a lot to do with Paganism in Ireland ( which I think is facinating) and women's lives in the 1930's. I loved it.

I really like seeing plays and movies alone right now. I need "me time" and meditation and a safe cocoon to develope in. It's a good time.

I also find that I am begining to enjoy activities with others more too though. I really liked hanging out with my friends at SPARK ( Oh my posh and yum.) and today I went to Walmart and bought some teacher pants. Walmart slacks fit me remarkably well....and I am very very snobish about my clothes...so that is saying something. Ow Ow.

Ah, Free Thinking.

I've recently got onto a soupbox on free thinking...mostly because I was a sort of Alma the Younger-ette, fighting heavily against free speech and free thinking ( even though I honestly believed, in deep sincerity, that I was leading others away from the pathways of "darkness.")Then one day free thinking threw me to the ground and used its other-worldly power to shake my earth. I had a mighty change of heart. I'm now a repentant free-thinking fighter. Anyway, so one of my favorite artists is Jenny Holzer. She had a thing for words and how messages have power. What she did, in essence, was to look and listen around her to the implied messages she, others, advertisements and other media present to the public (whether the meassages were meant that way or not.) She then posted the messages, now in clear text format, on all sorts of public places, like t-shirts, condem packages, billboards and projections on large buildings. It's amazing to see whether you agree of disagree with the messages we are sent when we finally sit down and look at them for what they are. Now I urge everyone to think freely. Here are some Holzer "truisms". Do you agree or disagree? Where have you heard or felt these messages before. ( I'm surprised at the deep emotions of agreement or of angry disagreement I feel when I look at many of these messages.) I may focus on a few of these a day and decide whether or not I really truly agree. Free thought is everything.


a little knowledge can go a long way
a lot of professionals are crackpots
a man can't know what it is to be a mother
a name means a lot just by itself
a positive attitude means all the difference in the world
a relaxed man is not necessarily a better man
a sense of timing is the mark of genius
a sincere effort is all you can ask
a single event can have infinitely many interpretations
a solid home base builds a sense of self
a strong sense of duty imprisons you
absolute submission can be a form of freedom
abstraction is a type of decadence
abuse of power comes as no surprise
action causes more trouble than thought
alienation produces eccentrics or revolutionaries
all things are delicately interconnected
ambition is just as dangerous as complacency
ambivalence can ruin your life
an elite is inevitable
anger or hate can be a useful motivating force
animalism is perfectly healthy
any surplus is immoral
anything is a legitimate area of investigation
artificial desires are despoiling the earth
at times inactivity is preferable to mindless functioning
at times your unconsciousness is truer than your conscious mind
automation is deadly
awful punishment awaits really bad people
bad intentions can yield good results
being alone with yourself is increasingly unpopular
being happy is more important than anything else
being judgmental is a sign of life
being sure of yourself means you're a fool
believing in rebirth is the same as admitting defeat
boredom makes you do crazy things
calm is more conductive to creativity than is anxiety
categorizing fear is calming
change is valuable when the oppressed become tyrants
chasing the new is dangerous to society
children are the most cruel of all
children are the hope of the future
class action is a nice idea with no substance
class structure is as artificial as plastic
confusing yourself is a way to stay honest
crime against property is relatively unimportant
decadence can be an end in itself
decency is a relative thing
dependence can be a meal ticket
description is more important than metaphor
deviants are sacrificed to increase group solidarity
disgust is the appropriate response to most situations
disorganization is a kind of anesthesia
don't place to much trust in experts
drama often obscures the real issues
dreaming while awake is a frightening contradiction
dying and coming back gives you considerable perspective
dying should be as easy as falling off a log
eating too much is criminal
elaboration is a form of pollution
emotional responses ar as valuable as intellectual responses
enjoy yourself because you can't change anything anyway
ensure that your life stays in flux
even your family can betray you
every achievement requires a sacrifice
everyone's work is equally important
everything that's interesting is new
exceptional people deserve special concessions
expiring for love is beautiful but stupid
expressing anger is necessary
extreme behavior has its basis in pathological psychology
extreme self-consciousness leads to perversion
faithfulness is a social not a biological law
fake or real indifference is a powerful personal weapon
fathers often use too much force
fear is the greatest incapacitator
freedom is a luxury not a necessity
giving free rein to your emotions is an honest way to live
go all out in romance and let the chips fall where they may
going with the flow is soothing but risky
good deeds eventually are rewarded
government is a burden on the people
grass roots agitation is the only hope
guilt and self-laceration are indulgences
habitual contempt doesn't reflect a finer sensibility
hiding your emotions is despicable
holding back protects your vital energies
humanism is obsolete
humor is a release
ideals are replaced by conventional goals at a certain age
if you aren't political your personal life should be exemplary
if you can't leave your mark give up
if you have many desires your life will be interesting
if you live simply there is nothing to worry about
ignoring enemies is the best way to fight
illness is a state of mind
imposing order is man's vocation for chaos is hell
in some instances it's better to die than to continue
inheritance must be abolished
it can be helpful to keep going no matter what
it is heroic to try to stop time
it is man's fate to outsmart himself
it is a gift to the world not to have babies
it's better to be a good person than a famous person
it's better to be lonely than to be with inferior people
it's better to be naive than jaded
it's better to study the living fact than to analyze history
it's crucial to have an active fantasy life
it's good to give extra money to charity
it's important to stay clean on all levels
it's just an accident that your parents are your parents
it's not good to hold too many absolutes
it's not good to operate on credit
it's vital to live in harmony with nature
just believing something can make it happen
keep something in reserve for emergencies
killing is unavoidable but nothing to be proud of
knowing yourself lets you understand others
knowledge should be advanced at all costs
labor is a life-destroying activity
lack of charisma can be fatal
leisure time is a gigantic smoke screen
listen when your body talks
looking back is the first sign of aging and decay
loving animals is a substitute activity
low expectations are good protection
manual labor can be refreshing and wholesome
men are not monogamous by nature
moderation kills the spirit
money creates taste
monomania is a prerequisite of success
morals are for little people
most people are not fit to rule themselves
mostly you should mind your own business
mothers shouldn't make too many sacrifices
much was decided before you were born
murder has its sexual side
myth can make reality more intelligible
noise can be hostile
nothing upsets the balance of good and evil
occasionally principles are more valuable than people
offer very little information about yourself
often you should act like you are sexless
old friends are better left in the past
opacity is an irresistible challenge
pain can be a very positive thing
people are boring unless they are extremists
people are nuts if they think they are important
people are responsible for what they do unless they are insane
people who don't work with their hands are parasites
people who go crazy are too sensitive
people won't behave if they have nothing to lose
physical culture is second best
planning for the future is escapism
playing it safe can cause a lot of damage in the long run
politics is used for personal gain
potential counts for nothing until it's realized
private property created crime
pursuing pleasure for the sake of pleasure will ruin you
push yourself to the limit as often as possible
raise boys and girls the same way
random mating is good for debunking sex myths
rechanneling destructive impulses is a sign of maturity
recluses always get weak
redistributing wealth is imperative
relativity is no boon to mankind
religion causes as many problems as it solves
remember you always have freedom of choice
repetition is the best way to learn
resolutions serve to ease our conscience
revolution begins with changes in the individual
romantic love was invented to manipulate women
routine is a link with the past
routine small excesses are worse than then the occasional debauch
sacrificing yourself for a bad cause is not a moral act
salvation can't be bought and sold
self-awareness can be crippling
self-contempt can do more harm than good
selfishness is the most basic motivation
selflessness is the highest achievement
separatism is the way to a new beginning
sex differences are here to stay
sin is a means of social control
slipping into madness is good for the sake of comparison
sloppy thinking gets worse over time
solitude is enriching
sometimes science advances faster than it should
sometimes things seem to happen of their own accord
spending too much time on self-improvement is antisocial
starvation is nature's way
stasis is a dream state
sterilization is a weapon of the rulers
strong emotional attachment stems from basic insecurity
stupid people shouldn't breed
survival of the fittest applies to men and animals
symbols are more meaningful than things themselves
taking a strong stand publicizes the opposite position
talking is used to hide one's inability to act
teasing people sexually can have ugly consequences
technology will make or break us
the cruelest disappointment is when you let yourself down
the desire to reproduce is a death wish
the family is living on borrowed time
the idea of revolution is an adolescent fantasy
the idea of transcendence is used to obscure oppression
the idiosyncratic has lost its authority
the most profound things are inexpressible
the mundane is to be cherished
the new is nothing but a restatement of the old
the only way to be pure is to stay by yourself
the sum of your actions determines what you are
the unattainable is invariable attractive
the world operates according to discoverable laws
there are too few immutable truths today
there's nothing except what you sense
there's nothing redeeming in toil
thinking too much can only cause problems
threatening someone sexually is a horrible act
timidity is laughable
to disagree presupposes moral integrity
to volunteer is reactionary
torture is barbaric
trading a life for a life is fair enough
true freedom is frightful
unique things must be the most valuable
unquestioning love demonstrates largesse of spirit
using force to stop force is absurd
violence is permissible even desirable occasionally
war is a purification rite
we must make sacrifices to maintain our quality of life
when something terrible happens people wake up
wishing things away is not effective
with perseverance you can discover any truth
words tend to be inadequate
worrying can help you prepare
you are a victim of the rules you live by
you are guileless in your dreams
you are responsible for constituting the meaning of things
you are the past present and future
you can live on through your descendants
you can't expect people to be something they're not
you can't fool others if you're fooling yourself
you don't know what's what until you support yourself
you have to hurt others to be extraordinary
you must be intimate with a token few
you must disagree with authority figures
you must have one grand passion
you must know where you stop and the world begins
you can understand someone of your sex only
you owe the world not the other way around
you should study as much as possible
your actions ae pointless if no one notices
your oldest fears are the worst ones

Cool Men

I love our new president. I am not usually prone to idealism and...emotion....and other signs of weakness but YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Oh my GOSH! I LOVE THE WORLD!

I believe in Change. A black man is our President. I am so proud. Barack Obama is almost as cool as Brian Champion!

Here's to you BRIAN CHAMPION!

HERE'S TO YOU BRIAN CHAMPION! YOU ARE THE MOST AWESOME BRAVE MAN IN THE HISTORY OF COOLNESS! I SING YOUR PRAISES BRIAN CHAMPION! YOU ARE THE GREATEST HUMAN BEING WITHIN 400 MILES OF MY PERSON! I LOVE YOU BRIAN CHAMPION! I LOVE YOU! YOU ARE SO GREAT! OH MY GOSH! BRIAN CHAMPION! HERE'S TO YOU! HERE'S TO YOU BRIAN! BRIAAAAAAAN CHAMPION! HE IS THE CHAMPION MY FRIENDS. I WILL WRITE YOUR NAME ON THE STONE TABLET OF MY HEART BRIAN CHAMPION! BRIAN CHAMPION...I WISH YOU HAD SONS IN YOUR LIKENESS! BRIAN CHAMPION! YOU ROCK!

So...funny story.

So, funny story.

I was at work, watching the election numbers pull in, and I thought it would be a good idea to get my candidate-of-choice's name on the temple role. I did a quick dart to the back room and dialed in the temple number. A nice lady answered "Hello, Provo Temple.", and I told her I would like to add a name to the temple role. By now I could see my co-worker ( a stanch supporter of the other candidate) slowly grabbing his coat and heading toward the back room. I started to get into a little bit of a rush....


B-A-R-A-C-K O-B-AMA


My coworker walked in right as I finished.

The nice lady of the phone spelled it back to me ( I think she may have said an "N" instead of an "M" in the last bit, but my Heavenly Parents know what I meant). She paused. I thought I was done for and that she was processing the name. Thoughts started going through my head of her slowly ripping the paper to shreads.
I really didn't want to have to repeat the name and explain myself in front of my conservative coworker. The woman then said ( in no kidding complete sincerity) "Wow, what nationality is that name from?"...I was dumb struck. Had this woman actually no idea who this candidate was? I shot a nervous glance at my coworker who had begun looking at me with confused suspicion. "I....um...I think it's Kenyan?"
"That's very nice. Now, just so you know, the name stays on the temple role for two weeks and you can call in after that to renew it."

"Thank you very much mam'. Have a nice day."

Hang up.

My coworker shot a glance at me. I was making a kind of self-gratifying chuckling noise. I felt like I had just demonstrated serious guts.

"Who was that?"

"Oh, I was just putting someone's name on the temple role."

Confession

I like the first three seasons of Sailor Moon like whao. Judge me if you will. You are just jealous.

A Good Reminder

Words in Season From the First Presidency
Deseret Evening News
Dec. 17 1910, part 1 p.3

Diversity of opinion does not necessitate intolerance of spirit, nor should it embitter or set rational beings against each other. The Christ taught kindness, patience, and charity.
Our religion is not hostil to real science. That which is demonstrated, we accept with joy; but vain philosophy, human theory and mere speculations of men, we do not accept nor do we adopt anything contrary to divine revelation or to good common sense. But everything that tends to right conduct, that harmonizes with sound morality and increases faith in Deity, finds favor with us no matter where it may be found.

Dear Universe,

Besides being a little mad a you right now, I just wanted to say good job yesterday. It was way fun and soothing.

Right now I'm taking a break from all man-made things for a little while. It's really nice, just to have time to relax, meditate and focus my thoughts.

I fell asleep in my makeup. That was a bad plan. I did, however, look pretty sweet in my fake eyelashes and dress.

So now, for no apparent reasons I will list things that I really like, desire, recommend and other such things. Wait, maybe not, since all those things are available on my facebook account. Hmmm. Oh well.
I'll just recommend everyone check out my links on facebook. I'm not exactly sure how to put posts and links onto this...let me try to figure this out....

Here are my recent posts.


The restaurant Spark I have listed is THE BEST THING to happen to Provo since... I moved here. lol. No really. Everyone must go eat there. This is my last recommendation before I die.

I try to keep things amusing on my facebook page, while keeping this one kind of low-key, brooding, vengeful and other negative adjectives. I think perhaps I should attempt to make this a Positive space too. I need to think of a theme for my blog. I thought about writing about TheLargerIssue and my thoughts on that.

Por ejemplo: Yesterday, after eating at Sparks with EuroInitiator and BiblicalNameCousin along with a large group of new friends including VampireSlayer and PaidForEverything, we went to EuroInitiator's apartment were I explained all my thoughts on TheLargerIssue. It was a really good experience, and I convinced a lot of people, or at lease got them thinking in a new way.

I am also seriously enjoying my interpretive dance class. I didn't think would, but I do...so....far...* looks around shifty-eyed and suspicious*

I can't help but notice a few major personality shifts that are seeming unrelated to TheLargerIssue but are still somehow correlated. I've since figured out, at least a little bit, why the shift exists, but at the time I was a bit confused.

I like nature now. I never EVER really liked nature. I even tried to like nature once, but it didn't really work out.

I don't really car what people think about my behavior much anymore in terms of how I sit, and how I dress.

I am defending ideas I never would have in the past, like environmentalism and tolerance of paganism.

I am now very outspoken on many issues.

I'm a lot more conscious of all injustices.



I'm also becoming increasingly worried about my new outlook for school. "Fast-tracking it" is crazy stuff, and I'll be lucky to pass, let alone get B's and A's. the goal really is though, just to finish everything and get my own classroom. I can do it...I can do it....I can do it....


I wish upon a STAR that I could have ever taken autoshop. I'll make that a goal when I get older.

I should probably try harder to make this blog readable, since now I've actually got people reading it. So far it's been a collection of random thoughts and rantings. I think I may focus on TheLargerIssue and what happens in the BYU El Ed program, with all it's hilarity. lol.