"There is no one, no one at all, never has been and never will be a lover (male or female) who hasn't an eye one, in fact they rely on, tricks they can try on their partner. They're hoping their lover will help them or keep them, support them, promote them. Don't blame them. You're the same." -Eva Peron in Evita
So, I have developed a new educational approach. In order to take advantage of my hormonal, female brain..I've decided to develop crushes on literary and academic figures. I will apply the existence of beautiful men to my advantage ( don't I ALWAYS!) by using them to keep me motivated on schoolwork. See, how quickly I turn the powers of romantic distraction into academic focus! All romances can be turned into ladders of success for smart, witty girls ( just ask Cinderella). I now have crushes on Vygotsky, Alexander Hamilton, Newton, Wilberforce,Hyrum Smith, and others. Now I run to my textbooks like a bat outa heck (the nicer, cleaner, more bat-friendly version of hell....let's make me a pink glittery bat too...cause we can.) Right now I have the HUGEST ( most huge?) crush on Casey Conner, the male romantic lead in the children's book I'm required to read ( "Evolution, Me and Other Freaks of Nature" by Robin Brande). He is the wacky, yet incredibly handsome ( dark curly hair, blue eyes, tall, chiseled, muscular) Lord of the Rings loving, son of famous Sci Fi writer, science buff who leads the female protagonist into a whole new world...while being incredibly smart, open, funny and sexy.
I almost don't want to finish it, cause I'll miss him so.
I mean, the next protagonist I'm due to hang out ,via literary requirement, with is actually SATAN. Well, you win some you lose some.
(Man, If I weren't in this kennel...the things I'd do.)
So, I just thought I'd do a shout out to all the fabulous readers who comment on my blog. You would be incredibly flattered at how excited I get when I see updates on my blog of any kind. We're talkin' like...hyper-active poodle straight out of the kennel. Ya. A world-domination-obsessed, hyperactive poodle recently freed from the kennel by her unwitting owners ( BWAH-HA! You fools! You shall rue this day! Now I shall...wait...look...kibble! And SOMETHING SHINY! Bark Bark Bark!) Dude, every timeFMH and Cakewrecks update, Pinto, smalldog, or indecisive write, I get a comment, or the freaking cycles of the moon shift, I'm practically licking the screen.
Speaking of bizarre behavior-I've got a lot of work to do, and now I will list it out, for my benefit, not yours. This is just so I can get a quick overview of what I have to accomplish in the next three days.
Room Tidy Study for two more hours on Literacy test of death. Take literacy test of death Lead a review session of literacy test of death Read 15 children's poems from published sources Go in and talk to my math teacher for a review study 4 more hours for math test take math test meet with group and finish work on booth for AfricanAmerican children's fair attend AfricanAmerican children's fair ( 5 hours of booth working) Meet with Teri and finish our large project on Motivational techniques (including handouts and PowerPoint slide-shows) Finish reading "Evolution, Me and Other Freaks of Nature" Finish my take home assignment of doom for TELL Buy Note cards and note card holders Write a post on this blog explaining the improbably story of how Captain Handsome saved my life (not to be confused with Captain Hammer, corporate tool----this is what happens when you allow the creator of Firefly to get bored. Don't let it happen again.) and how my car has been rechristened Captain Handsome Whats-his-name Harris.
Also, I'd just like to add that macaroni and cheese, such as that which I am eating right now, always tastes better shaped, and served in a dark blue mug. Just sayin'
Sometimes it's very difficult to keep momentum if it's you that you are following. -Eva Peron in Evita
I'm so busy! But now that I have put myself in charge of so many large projects and study groups and e-mail listings and practicums...the alpha-female in me comes out and motivates me. It's only when I'm a follower that I get stressed out...but just wait...cause next week I've got one large project, my teaching practicum coming up and 3 exams (not kidding...wish I was). I wonder how long my alpha-female side can last with such a beating.
But the point is that when I'm in charge, I actually feel more motivated and get more done...until the inevitable burnout...which hasn't come yet....huh.
Also, I think I shall name my car "What's-his-name"...just cause it has stuck....granted, "what's his name" has been a euphemism for several ex-boyfriends within my social grouping (including one of my own) but somehow naming my car that hasn't had any painful repercussions.
So...what shall I name my new car? I'm thinking it should probably be male because then I can bust out a male name during awkward dates- "Oh, that reminds me how I was with *male name* all this weekend. Then yesterday *male name* took me to the grocery store, and then all m friends and I went with *male name* to the theater..."
But what name shall I choose? I' trying to avoid anything too distant ,like Hernando, or too common, like Bob. It will come to me.
I've decided to attack a series of tasks and goals under the banner of "I will thank me someday."
Gym Homework Social Hygiene Other ideas?
Anyway...I've got to go listen to my meditative podcast..oh...this one is on the feminine energy of the universe. Score. Hey, is there anyway to put a podcast on my non-apple mp3 player? I ask you, stars!
No, wait. I figured it out. Curse you UNIVERSE! (see below.)
Blows and abuse I can take and give back again, Tenderness I cannot bear! -Aldonza in The Man of La Mancha
I can't find my 50 dollar leather gloves! I hate the world! ( collapses dramatically, shielding my face)
They're right there.
Oh...um. Well I got an 83 on my Math test and I can't find my USB cord and I am so ridiculously busy I can't breath! (collapses dramatically and makes pathetic sobbing noises while pouring ashes on her head)
Yours resignedly doomed, Megan
You teacher just gave you back 35 extra points, which puts you back to an A. Your USB cord is right there...where you left it and if you WOULD STOP WRITING ON THIS STINKING BLOG you'd have at least a few more hours to burn. Also, you are starting to take 15 minute meditation breaks during work, and you go to bed early. You're actually developing the coveted "chill" factor that most people don't develop until they're parents of seven children. Congrats on being ahead of the curve. Not to mention, you live in a comfortable apartment with heating, a pantry full of food, a gym membership, a scholarship, a closet full of clothes and a moderately dependable bank account. Also you can vote, and you have been signed up for three blind dates in the past week, plus one perfectly decent regular one. You have enough time for a nap and a blog...so shut up.
I....I hate you.
You'll be alright Megan. That hairshirt didn't look that great on you anyway.
This morning I reached to my right ear and felt my gorgeous Swarovski Crystal and pearl alternating earring still dangling, gloriously, from my delicate lobe. I must've forgotten to remove them after that long, little-black-dress-requiring, Vegas dance party (with such fabulous quiche!). I then reached up to my left ear...and lo and behold NO EARRING! "Ah....curse you little-black-dress-requiring Vegas Dance Party ( with such fabulous quiche)!" said I. And I began to tear apart my bedding and search all over the house for the missing earring; hoping and pleading with the deities that be.
And that was when I finally ran my fingers through my ridiculously-expensive-new-sexy-goddess-of-teachers haircut and felt something...that's right...my earring was stuck at the very back of my head; hooked and buried in my massive amounts of curl.
So, I woke up and went to class. During class I tried to figure out if I could decipher the political opinions of my classmates based strictly on their posture during parts of the discussion. During break I tried to figure out how many cartwheels it would take to get me all the way down the McKay Buiding third story hallway. I also thought about the historical nature of the "front-hand-spring" and whether or not I ever would have been capable of one due to my own physical features ( tiny wrists, short legs). Hey, did you know that taking a brisk walk up and down the hallway while listening to tribal music is a great way to wake up in the morning? Cause I do...I learned it today. I got home and, pondering on questions related to the US economy brought up in class I went and read some legitamit sources on the state of things, and then noted a bit of political satire and weighed it's implications. Then I watched an online interview with an author about a book studying the nature of emotional and rational thought. After that I listened to This American Life, and got a better vision of the state of American homeless shelters and some very interesting experiences of people with the nature of testosterone. Then I did some private religious reading from the Book of Mormon (unrelated to any previous study....I'm reading chronologically now...as you can see from the bar to the right) and I did some deep introspection on the nature of interpersonal well-being. I read a few pages of an interesting children's book and pondered on how early out first romanitcally construed relationships beocme important, and pondered upon the implications that the recent open discussion of homosexuality in our society means. I then delved a bit into my own personal opinions and conclusions, which are always fluid in an attempt to be moderate. I then listened to a bit more music and compared the differences and similarities of music from different ethnic and historical bakcgrounds. I then pondered on the ways these types of music are similar which got me thinking about the transfer of ideas through cultural exchange in the marketplace, which reminded me of a children's book about Mansa Musa I had recently reviewed. Then I got a call from a friend asking me to look up the laws and locations nessecary to change one's name on a drivers license...so now I know that. Then I thought about the importance of food and hygeine in my life and pondered on how those obsessions/or otherwise may or may not be contributing to my consumerist tendencies...and how I should self-soothe by reading or sleeping or thinking positively instead of self-medicate by taking bites out of the large block of cheese in my fridge...not good. Then I went online and did a quick read up on New Zealand, just because I was curious.
I've learned all that, and it's been just over half a day.
And I haven't even touched my homework. I have a mountain of homework.
Sometimes I think that homework is the greatest inhibitor of learning in the Meganverse.
Oh yes I did. Guess who just won her professional appeal to change her major and rock. Just guess.
Oh, and another thing; I started writing the previous post then ignored it for a day or two. When I came back it had 4 comments on it. Seems I'm pretty interesting, just by being silent. I was very pleased. How fitting, for a study in pleasure.