Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Conversation.

Hi God. I'm in distress.

Oh, trusty Megan. I can always count on you to talk to me when you are in distress.

Hey, I talk to you all the time.

You are in distress all the time. When are you ever not panicking unnecessarily about something?

True. Also, don't you think it's weird that panicking has a "k" in it, cause I do. Well, anyway, you told me not to date that one guy and to move to the city ( assuming that was you and not my own particular brand of neurosis...eh? Could you give me some sort of signal of acknowledgment?).


...*Shrug*


...That'll work...so I did a little bit of looking and I found THIS *holds up posterboard with picture of new apartment on it*, where I get my own room *points*, possibly my own office *points*, a newly renovated kitchen and bathroom, a student ward, and close to the freeway and closer to work, commuting against the flow of traffic. It's as close as I can get to my work without living in suburbs with no one my age and east enough that I won't be living in a ghetto. And all of this for less than it would cost me to get a shared room where I live now.

*Silence*


So, whatdaya think? How was my choice.

It was OK.

OK! You mean not STUPENDOUS! EXCELLENT! ALL OF YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE!!!!...JUST OK! *begins breathing into a paper bag*


.....Meh. Yep. A pretty middling OK choice.


AHHHH! But I don't want to do anything just OK. I'm supposed to be the best of the best. I'm supposed to make perfect, flawless choices which lead me straight onto the golden paved path of victory! I can't handle mere "OK" choices! *returns to bag....also, reaches for oreos*

I said it was OK!

No, I've FAILED! *back of hand slapped to forehead, body draped over couch dramatically*

You're gonna be alright.

My destiny is RUINED!

You're gonna be alright. If you really need to, you can make a change. You're gonna be alright.

Mumble mumble mumble crunch crunch mumble mumble

Sorry, I...I didn't catch that between all the oreos.

I said "You keep saying that like it's true."

It is true.

I really hope so.

Good on you, Megan. That's the first step to not being in a completely self-created vegetative state. Now put down those oreos.

*shakes head frantically and clutches oreos*

Meeeegaan?


*puts down oreos. Immediately puts on music*

...and turn off that music....

*Slowly, turns down music to mute*

See, isn't this nice? For like, six seconds stop using these coping mechanisms and see the world is not such a scary place. Now you can get back to being awesome.

*Looks around* Ya, the world really isn't so bad. Well.....it was good talking to you.

Same here Megan.

Ciao.


Sigh....well I'm still a little scared...(*Voice from above* That's OK.)...Amen.


Ok....

3 comments:

smalldog said...

See, you are awesome. Both God and I said so.

PS - this would be more funny if we (He and I) hadn't had many a similar conversation)

Paradox said...

Hilarious. I can empathize entirely :)

artemisandollie said...

megan i LOVE that your god speaks in avuncular australianese!