Thursday, January 8, 2009

Apologetics


So, I couldn't help but notice that, on my last note, I described one of the highlights of my day as "someone complementing my hat."

Now, since I am incapable of human error, and the very act of admitting and seeking to apologize for any such non-existent error, will, no doubt, cause a mass megan-ostasy resulting in everyone losing complete and utter faith in Deity's hand in giving me any sort of inspiration or power to perform good works in society , I now offer this apologetic.

You, my dear readers, are simply misinterpreting what I meant to say to gratify your own fault-seeking natural-man thoughts ( which, I may add, offend the spirit and make your own contentious opinions moot). The spirit of contention is of the devil, my friends, so if you are choosing to be offended by my/that sentence, perhaps you should try praying and reading your scriptures more until you are able to accept the truthfulness of the sentence I wrote. If it doesn't make "since" to you, you are just looking beyond the mark, and even if you don't mean to be contentious, it sure might look that way, and are we not counseled to "avoid the appearance of evil"? Maybe, if you held family home evening with greater regularity your worldliness would not be shaking your sure foundation now.

And really, I MEANT to say "complemented", in that context, because I was simply so full of Christ-like charity that I couldn't help but notice how well that person went well together with my hat.

Note: Should you try to find that non-existent error now, you will not find it published because, while it was correct yesterday, the glorious reality of progressive revelation makes it so we interpret it differently now, and in order to protect your weak faith, the word has been updated to it's now current form. This has nothing to do with committing fraud to protect my image or maintain a potentially abusive amount of power, because I never committed error in the first place which would need correction. Now, since I am one of the universe's most firm and steadfast enforcers of free agency, you may choose to believe that I committed error ( just as you may choose to be offended by my tendency to write run-on sentences),but if you attempt to speak out publicly, publish, or try to convince others of your opinions, you will be taken before the disciplinary council for possible ex-meganumication, unless you reject your faith-destroying opinions and see the light again. I mean, don't you have better, more Chirst-like things to do, like happily celebrate how flawless my blog is and talk about the weather?

2 comments:

Indecisive said...

This is either the wittiest thing you've ever written or the most scathing commentary on the pr of the church that I've ever read. I think it's both, actually.

I'm a little afraid of you right now.

Megan said...

Oh indecisive. Don't be scared. It was all about the laughs and my ever growing desire to be good at satire. Next week i think I will do one on the United Nations. :D
ANd yes...it is the wittiest thing I've ever written...except for that time I made grape soda come out of your nose...no wait...that was spoken. :D