Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The Megan Thought (Pride) Cycle

"And still this emptiness persists."
- Colin Hays


Morning- GAH! I am such an idiot! I shouldn't get out of bed.
Later- I am surrounded by idiots. They shouldn't have gotten out of bed.
Later- No wait, they are actually smarter than I thought! I am an idiot. I wish I could go to bed.
Later- No, they are ignorant and don't understand their own rational. I am surrounded by idiots. They should go home and stay there.
Later- I am a mean bad person for thinking that and I don't know that much either. I function out of a false sense of importance, and all-important pomposity! GAH! I am such an idiot. I'm going to bed.


Morning- GAH! I am such an idiot! I shouldn't get out of bed.

Emotional Megans Should Wear Mood Rings


Why am I crying? I never cry. My tears are made of the blood of angels and unicorns, and are only seen by the pure in heart...or the rare public sightings of my tears would so indicate.

Oh, it's because I just got struck with a fist load of dread that no matter how hard I try to write this paper...it is going to be a B or worse. Oh, "waaaaaah!", you sarcastically decry...but a B means a lot when you depend on a scholarship. A heck of a lot.

Having experienced unexplained failure multiple times...I now have no confidence in myself on this matter.

Writing is probably the biggest fear in my life...well that and marrying a chauvinist.
Unlucky for me, I am at a conservative religious university...a place where both chauvinists and papers abound.

Dang.

Well.......shucks.....

Don't ask "Why me?" but ask "What now?"
- Joseph B. Wirthlin

Ode to the sure thing re-hire to my old job...now DASHED against the rocky cliffs... due to the fact that one of the current employees has decided to stay on hire instead of going home for the spring-summer.


Hem Hem.


"I hope something terrible happens to you
or something decently good happens to me as a result of this.
Or both."


Now I must (no..no...think positive.."get to" ya... "get to") look for a new super-fun-learning-experience-hobby-for-pay...otherwise known as a job. This has the potential of becoming "Not my week."

Monday, March 30, 2009

It's snowing...and my car is moving from side to side..but my steering wheel is not.

Oh, Ode to the gas tank that insists that it is full of gas by clicking the nozzel off...when it obviously is not full.

Oh, Ode to the dreadful winter weather that comes in spring and makes the roads slick and scary!

Oh!

Front Right Tire! Why do you always lose air faster than the other tires....for no explainable reason...and with stunning consistancy and frequency!

SO it is to be WAR between us!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Cyber-spying

My "art of the day" ( see below on my blog extras to the right) reads minds.

I kid you not.

I wrote a post on Isabella and the Pot of Basil. The next day's art: Isabella and the Pot of Basil.

I talk on the phone about the book Possession. As soon as I get home the "art of the day" is "The Beguiling of Merlin"...the cover art for Possession.

Other such coincidences have occurred again and again.

Ever get the feeling that someone...is watching...you?

Friday, March 27, 2009

Sleep, My Anti-Everything


"Go away world!"
-Thought most often processed right before or after four hour long "power nap".


This is beginning to get disturbing. The last time I slept this much, I was under a lot lot lot of stress.

I am starting to ponder on the possibility that my subconscious mind knows when I've hit my breaking point before my body and conscious mind even feel tired.

I think I'm getting internally overworked, and like my little toshiba, I turn off automatically when overheated, or forced to process at too many gigabytes (Toshiba: "And NOW she wants to watch the Colbert Report! What does she think I AM! A freakin' MAC!")

I have been getting home for the past two weeks... promptly falling asleep for three or four hours after linner (lunch-dinner). I think that I am running from my responsibilities...and reality.

This brings up a few moral/ethical questions to my mind, which I will hash out on a few of the other blogs I co-publish.

Anyway, so, I just woke up...and it's 10:00...PM.

I think I'll go to the gym and start my day now. I've got cleaning checks in the morning, a test to take tomorrow, and tons and tons of papers to write.

I'm in "The Little Engine That Could" mode right now. It's the best I can do...during my waking hours.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

ENTJ



A dear friend of mine recently posted their Myers-Briggs score and some implications.
I thought I'd do the same, in the hopes that I might bring a knowing smile to those who know me, and maybe clear up a few things for my ex-boyfriends, co-workers, teachers and acquaintances.


I am an ENTJ. Truth be told, I hadn't looked at my qualities in a while. When I read them again today, it brought a smile to my face.

Here is a brief description, from the site http://www.personality-power-for-everyday-living.com/ENTJ.html...which is not the official...but get's it pretty well. If you want to get me even more...than you can look up ENTJ's.

ENTJ Definition of Personality Equals “Vision + Drive + Leadership”

The definition of personality for the ENTJ includes the drive to logically analyze people, events, the world and bring everything into order.

You may have come here from the MBTI “words to describe personality” page and you know or suspicion that your personality type is Extraverted with Intuition, Thinking and Judging, because you have taken the Myers-Briggs personality assessment test. Or you may be here because someone you care about is this type. That being the case you can discover many qualities, traits or characteristics describing this personality type on this page.

BASICS

I’m going to present ENTJ qualities in a list format because I have found reading a paragraph when you are digging for some important, quick information, can be difficult, well it can be irritating! So let us take a look at a list of personality traits for ENTJs. This type:

  • Is the one type that cannot, not LEAD….life’s natural leaders
  • Will willingly direct others toward the goals/objectives they have set
  • Is very decisive and clear about values
  • Is naturally driven to push people and organizations to get things done
  • Lives for decisions, closure, cannot stand disorganization
  • Is a natural skeptic and will question most things
  • Is very willing to take on responsibility and get things organized and moving forward
  • Sees meanings, patterns, possibilities in all things, future efforts
  • Are energetic planners, builders, with future orientation.
  • Powerfully sees the natural logical weaknesses in most situations, will tirelessly work and drive others to fix them
  • Is not adverse to conflict will fact it head on

Now do you see yourself/someone else in the above basic list of personality traits??

What we really begin to see with personality type is emerging patterns of behaving and using our brains. The ENTJ way is natural, instinctive, beautiful, created to be this way. Let us continue.

Mottos Are Fun

For the ENTJ these mottos or things to put on their battle flag might be: “Just Do It! “I’m In Control-All Will Be Well” “Strategic Planner Lives Here”, to name a few.

Let us make another list of personality traits, ENTJs:

  • Are curious intellectually and enjoy new ideas
  • Are very utilitarian and pragmatic despite their natural orientation toward the future
  • Will have difficulty (sometimes great difficulty) with those unable/unwilling to emote
  • Will set high goals for themselves and others
  • Enjoy planning for the possibilities in most things and for most people
  • Highly value achievement
  • Deeply value autonomy and respect power and authority…want it also
  • Thinking is symbolic, metaphorical, they see meaning in all things

Now, my friend, the ENTJ not only behaves in the above manner…THEY NATURALLY EXPECT EVERYONE ELSE TO DO THE SAME!!

So, what happens when they see that many others do not behave that way?? (only 3-5% of America’s population is this type) Answer: Different levels of stress, confusion, irritation, etc.; typically nothing this type can’t handle. So, this is a NATURAL reaction on the part of this type, they are not doing anything wrong.

More Stuff The ENTJ:

  • Is typically straight forward and frank in communications
  • In relationships, they are confident and assertive
  • In relationships, they are very willing to decide for others
  • In relationships, they will treat you fairly and justly
  • In relationships, they can at times appear argumentative, arrogant and critical
  • In relationships, at times are insensitive to the feelings and interpersonal needs of others
  • May rush to judgment at times
  • Very self confident and appear to hold themselves in high regard…rightly so
  • May rush to judgment rather than cooperatively considering a mates point of view
  • Will not be bound by the expectations of others

Under Stress The ENTJ:

  • May become extremely critical of themselves and others
  • Will become angry, controlling and blindly issues orders without repect to consequences
  • Will begin to strongly doubt themselves
  • Under extreme stress they may withdraw, feel hurt, trapped and become over emotional
  • May withdraw and strongly criticize others

If this type is you, wonderful, perhaps you now have a better understanding of yourself, and perhaps you can use that increased understanding in many positive ways.

If you see someone else as this type but not you, please pay attention to the differences between your personality and the ENTJ. Try to see that your way and this way are natural and just fine! Look for the positive differences, the strengths this type brings to your type. Celebrate that because it cannot be changed and can add wonderful diversity and truth to your life!!